TROULBLE SHOOTING GUIDE
Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at
incorrect angle. ACTION: Rotate glass so that
open end points toward ceiling.
Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house
Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
You've wandered into the wrong party. ACTION: See if
they have free beer.
Your singing sounds distorted. FAULT: The beer is too
weak. ACTION: Have more beer until your voice
Don't remember the words to the song. FAULT: Beer is
just right. ACTION: Play air guitar.
Beer unusually pale and tasteless. FAULT: Glass empty.
Get someone to buy you another beer.
Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. FAULT: You
have fallen over backward. ACTION: Have yourself leashed
Mouth contains cigarette butts. FAULT: You have fallen
forward. ACTION: See above.
Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. FAULT: Mouth
not open or glass applied to wrong part of face. ACTION:
Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
Floor blurred. FAULT: You are looking through bottom
of empty glass. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another
Floor moving. FAULT: You are being carried out.
Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
Room seems unusually dark. FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.
Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures. FAULT:
Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. ACTION:
Everyone looks up to you and smiles. FAULT: You are
dancing on the table. ACTION: Fall on somebody
Beer is crystal-clear. FAULT: It's water. Somebody
is trying to sober you up. ACTION: Switch glasses with
Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. FAULT:
You have been in a fight. ACTION: Apologize to everyone
you see, just in case it was them.
IF YOU DRINK DON'T
DRIVE.....................................DO THE WATERMELLON
I gave all of you a laugh....cause we all need one
NOW SIGN MY GUESTBOOK(only if you want to)
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