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MY MOTHER'S FATE


This story is meant to maybe help you if you have been or in this situation. This is a long story, but it helps me to write it and I hope you enjoy reading it.

My mother divorced my father when I was very young. She took me and my two sisters away from what we thought was a happy home,( so what do kids know anyway) and a loving father to be with what turned out to be the most awful man I have ever met or ever hope to meet. I guess she was "in love" with the bald headed s.o.b. No offense meant to you baldies. Guess you can tell there isn't any love between us. Us girls never knew what hit us, she never discussed this man with us, much less tell us she was leaving our father for him, she just up and packed our stuff one day while dad was at work and the next we knew we were in a car with this stranger headed to we didn't know where. Not far down the road we were cutting up in the back seat and with a very loud voice he told us to shut up. Our first experience of what we were in for. We were not used to being yelled at for having fun. I think mother's first idea of what had she gotten herself into. Within the first year we had a new sister. Now my mother was really stuck. With four small children what could she do, there weren't the social programs that there are now. My step-father didn't believe in whippings, he beat you. Our life was a living hell and so was our mother's. The only fun we had was when he was gone, being in the Navy he was sent off sometimes. Our mother even became the happy person she used to be until he returned. As the years rolled on I got another sister and a brother. Now my mother was stuck for sure and so were we. We all just waited for the day that we could leave home. I didn't even wait to graduate, I left at 16 to live with my dad's sister. Our step-father made our lives miserable and his own children caught hell just as we did. To this day my brother will not even speak to him. He has tried to make peace with him before he did what he did to our mother to no avail. There is nothing you can do for such an evil man, but wait for God to take care of him.

I began to hate my mother for what she had done to us. I had never forgiven her until years later, but worse I think she never forgave herself. A few years back we did have a long talk and aired things out, because you see I didn't have much to do with her after I left home. She did tell me she still loved my father and if she could have turned back the clock she would have. I could tell how sad she was and she asked me to forgive her. By the time we all left home, she had gotten used to her life and no place to go anyway, although we tried to get her to divorce him many times. Now if she could speak I bet she would have listened to us after what he finally did to her.

I won't blame myself because I had warned her to watch out for him because he was up to something and to not sign anything if he wanted her to sign something because he kept telling me she was really getting bad about forgetting things. I asked her to leave him and move in with me, she said she wouldn't give him the satisfaction. About six years ago, one of my sisters finally convinced her to leave, and she was taking mother to get some of her things. When she got there her and our step-father got into a big argument and he acted like he was going to hit her, so my sister pulled a gun on him. No, she doesn't always tote a gun, she just knew how he was. This got her five years probation and mother stuck back with him. Now she wishes she had pulled the trigger and pled temporary insanity. She would only have gotten 6 months in a mental ward.  My sister had to hire a lawyer to get visitation to see our mother after that.

By now my mother was getting very forgetful so he wouldn't allow her to drive because she wouldn't remember where she was going or how to get back.

You could tell her something and she may or may not remember. She had several strokes. My step-father was now trying very hard to convince me that she needed to go into a nursing home, of which I told him not as long as I was living. I would fight him all the way. She was still capable of taking care of herself except for cooking, and I told him to hire somebody to come in if he had to leave. By this stage in my life I was no longer afraid of him and he knew I wasn't and I would  fight him in any court.

In 1996 my mother asked me could she move in with me because she wanted to divorce my step-father finally. I told her that when I got back from my trip to Nebraska she could. I got home from vacation and two weeks after I got home, my step-father calls to tell me that my mother was in a mental ward. Shock was not even a good word. Once I saw her I was even in more shock as she had been drugged and although she could speak at that time she was not very coherent. She had already been confined for three weeks. He had waited for me to be gone to pull his crap, because he knew I would never have allowed it to happen. I listened to his story and I believed him. What a fool to believe that man who didn't know what the truth was. I couldn't believe that he had her locked up. He even made me believe it wasn't him that a doctor had Baker Acted her. If you don't know what this is then you need to research it because it is very scary and a law that needs to be abolished. I was helpless since he was her husband. The children were supposed to be notified of a hearing in case any of us would take her. The only one that knew about the hearing was one of his daughter's, (his pet) therefore the rest of us didn't even get a chance to speak. Violation of the law. Yes it was. So what, tough, the courts don't even obey the laws. My mother finally was put in a nursing home, which was like a living hell with a bunch of zombies walking around. He had told the staff that none of us could take her off the property or outside. The fight was on.... By now my mother is on fourteen different drugs, each one to prevent something that the other one might cause and had lost her speech. All she did was sleep. She was losing weight because they said she wouldn't eat. How can you eat when some damn psychiatrist has you drugged into oblivion. If my step-father and I wound up there at the same time it would be a fight. I finally had to get a court order to give me certain visiting days without him around while I was going for Guardianship. This is not an easy thing to do fighting a spouse. I was watching my mother slowly die before my eyes. He even tried to get us to sign a DNR paper on her. Two sisters did four of us didn't. If you love somebody do not ever sign one of those. It basically is a death sentence and don't let them tell you any different. If a person was for an example to have a heart attack, they do not have to lift one finger to help them. The homes will tell you they of course will but with that paper signed they don't have to. The staff was beginning to know our family very well and hated to see me coming because I always raised hell and watched them like a hawk. I lived up there practically three days a week.

If your still reading I appreciate it and it must mean I have your curiosity up.

I watched perfectly healthy persons brought in there except for their minds and within two months be wheel chair bound or bedridden and I watched many of them die a slow death, all because some of their families didn't care what the home or doctors did.

I first got temporary Guardianship of her body and he got the financial end, yes this is very different, but then things with my family always has been different, then I got permanent Guardianship. It took two years. I first got rid of her doctor's and got a new one, who took her off the drugs. It was amazing to see the difference in her, but the drugs had done their damage and the home had done the rest. She could no longer feed herself or go to the bathroom by herself or take showers or do anything but babble, although she knows what she is saying we can not understand her words all the time. They had turned her into a baby. She was first treated for Alzeimers but the new doctor says it's Organic Brain Deficiency.I'm still not quite sure what that is. I took her out of that hell home and found her a nicer place. If I could have gotten her when she was first put in I would have taken her home, but by the time I won the case it was too late. I can not take care of her by myself.  It is much to hard and would be too expensive to hire someone to come in.  Yes, I checked all the options.

Two sisters sided with my step-father but the other two and my brother sided with me and asked the court to give me Guardianship. Two of the children are his flesh and blood. The one sister that took his side is not his blood, the other is, those are the two that thought it was OK to sign the DNR. (Do Not Resusitate)
I voided out the phony Power of Attorney and told them to throw the DNR in the garbage and from here on out it was my way or no way, that was before I finally moved her. I think they were glad to see her go just to get rid of me.

While fighting in court I pieced out what had really happened. You have to know my step-father to know how he was. He knew how to make my mom mad. Like I said before she still had her senses she was just forgetful. He took her to this nursing home and told her that it was her new home. Of course she went off right in the parking lot and hit him, which brought the staff outside, and the quack psychiatrist and they promptly Baker Acted her. Our sorry laws make it too easy for things like this to happen and another one to watch out for is called the Marchman Act.

Although my mother made a lot of bad choices in her life and we fought a lot, she is my mother and I love her. I would never wish this injustice on anybody. I got her too late to bring her home with me but at least I know she will probably outlive him now which I'm sure he isn't too happy about. I don't want him dead I want him to have the same fate as he did to my mother.

Why am I putting some of the dirty laundry on here for everybody to read. I really don't know. I hope there aren't anymore cruel people like my step-father who would do this to somebody but I'm sure he is not the only one.

I guess I'm writing this because if you have a mother or anybody in this situation try your best to convince them to leave and keep on trying. Let them read this. If you have someone in a nursing home, I hope you visit and keep up with what they are being giving and research the drugs they are on.  My mother will spend the rest of her life in a nursing home just because of the jerk that she married, and the drugs she was given. She knows me now when I go to visit, she seems content in the new home, but I think about her often and the fun she used to be when he wasn't around.  I can't change anything, I can only make sure she is taken care of, and remains drug free. I can file for divorce on her behalf after I have Guardianship of her for two years. Yes, I am going to try to do that, because he has taken everything of hers and won't allow us on the property and hasn't asked us if there was anything we wanted. We have given her many things and would have liked them back, if nothing else but to put in her room. He has taken her nothing from home.

He is truly a very evil man.

Thank you for reading this till the end.  Please be aware of your loved ones or anybody you care about.
God Bless.........

Update:>On December 27, 2002 my mother was found dead at 10p.m. after her husband had been there earlier. My mother was healthy as for as body. I was out of town... only 2 hrs. away when I got the word the next morning. Less than 8 hours after death my step-father and one sorry sister had made all the arrangements to have her cremated. The rest of us had no say so. What happened to majority rules? We got a quick order to stop it, but judge ruled guardianship reverted back to the husband at death. Lawyer argued if he wasn't fit when she was alive, what makes him fit at death. Judge didn't listen. Our laws stink, too vague. If that wasn't bad enough he wouldn't even put the remains in a cemetary for us to visit. We have no idea where the ashes are. No way to do an autopsy either as he got rid of her too fast. Death by natural causes.....I don't think so! My mother is finally at peace and back with my father, where she wished she had stayed as she told me in 1996, and I know she is very happy and in Heaven, a place my step-father will never be.


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